I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
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Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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