i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
