i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
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He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I party with great urgency now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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