Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
