I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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