So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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