i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
