im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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