My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
