Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
