So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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