I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
this hospital has no fireball
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
