I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
