Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
