Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
