Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
