no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
