There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
