i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
