i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
