stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
