if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
