just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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