She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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