apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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