Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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