bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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