Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
