i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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