Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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