soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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