my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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