is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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