I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
