Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
