my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
