It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
