haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
