She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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