I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
