Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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