The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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