im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
