She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
A bitchslap is in order.
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