Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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