what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
