She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
