I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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