I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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