So drunk its hurt
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
