So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
