I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
