When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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