She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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