Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
