if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
this will be a night to untag.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
