i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
