AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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