I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
