Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
