some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
