two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
