He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
