MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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