i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
