i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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