I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
