kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
