A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
