Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
