Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
