i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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