I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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