Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
