I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize