I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
