I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
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I wish you could order shots online.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
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My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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