Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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