I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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