I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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